Sometimes in life having no plan is the best plan; certainly, this has proved the case for me in recent years.
I am a planner! The pleasure of a blank sheet of paper, a pen and a highlighter. Armed and ready, I can go to town on the big Vision, setting clear goals for the year ahead. Then create a plan which will drive me forward and keep me focused – no time for derailment. The sense of achievement, as I accomplish my goals and hit my targets – the joy, the joy, joy!
This hasn’t always been the case, I used to be more of a “by the seat of your pants” kind of gal! This learned behaviour came along with starting my own business in my thirties. I knew from day one that I needed structure and a plan to survive and thrive. With three young kids, I knew it was the only way to stay focused and motivated and it served me very well. My annual plan was always written in September, in conjunction with the kids returning to school and a sense of now I can get back to “my life” (business), sadly not recognising I was already in my life! I structured my time and business to facilitate working around my kids; how many months could I work, when were school holidays, how much money did I need or want, how did that translate to contracts / deals / clients. I was driven by the key goal of putting money aside: for holidays, my three kids’ university education, some rainy-day money, and saving for my big dream – a house in South of France for when I retire. All big goals, which motivated me to work my socks off for twenty plus years of self-employment!
A few years ago, things changed. On reflection, I had now achieved my big goals and I needed to replace them with something?!? My three kids had now grown up and were all away working or at Uni, I was floundering a little with motivation for the first time ever and sensed a loss of passion for some of the areas of my business I had previously loved. Did I want more of the same or…? I sensed change or transition was afoot – I needed a new plan. How could I map out this new period of “2nd Adulthood” and put a plan in place to achieve it (see the brilliant work of Gail Sheehy – New Passages: mapping your life across time).
Struggling with gaining clarity, enter stage left - a phenomenal coach! With my usual business precision, my brief was clear -clarity, focus, a plan and then get cracking on this next phase of living. After two challenging sessions, we reached the conclusion, maybe I didn’t need a plan, at least not now. I needed space, I needed to relax and just be, I needed to breathe and feel and explore and understand. I needed to live and journey, without the parameters of a plan. A plan would simply shackle me to the same patterns that had served me for the 25 years of running my own business but which I had now outgrown. I needed to remove the strait-jacket and strong suit that I picked up in order to survive and thrive back in the day. Now I simply needed to breathe and trust and know that the answers would come eventually, and things would unfold. I couldn’t force this. The answers would come.
By craving the rigidity of goals and a plan, without giving myself time and space to get out of my own head, I was defaulting to more of the same; I wasn’t opening myself up to new possibilities, the unknown. And so, I purchased a “pink” journal and called it “My Space Project”. I started journaling daily without constraint and explored and reflected and started to truly understand what made me happy and what didn’t, who was I and who was I not, what brought me genuine joy and with whom. By spending less time running around doing and more time being, I was slowly discovering some real truths. I chose carefully who I spent time with and read, devouring books and learning and growing and opening up to new possibilities. The enforced confinement of Covid pandemic helped me enormously, I was forced to slow down and spend time with myself, and I also used this opportunity
to take up yoga, meditation and do some online courses, which interested me, rather than having a business purpose. I had previously considered an MBA but knew this was no longer my passion, and so my journey took me towards short courses in “the Science of Happiness” which fascinated me (to think there was such a thing!). Consequently, I enrolled on a masters in Applied Positive Psychology. A year on, my life has changed beyond recognition, without a plan!
There comes a time in life, when we need to gift ourselves space and time to be, we need a period of incubation, a rebirthing so to speak, to become that to which we were borne to be, without the pressure of expectations of others and self. I am still in this phase, I am still on a journey, indeed I guess this is a lifelong journey of growing and discovering. I feel excited, curious and reinvigorated, whilst at the same time calm and at peace. I still have no plan but instead possess two important guides for going forward–
No 1: I have complete clarity around my personal values, strengths, and non-negotiables – Who am I “really” and how do I want to live my life authentically going forward, playing to my strengths and being true to the person I was born to be – I have gone deep inside to explore this and find my true voice. I discovered I had lost a big part of who I was over the years, due to the pressures of mine and other’s expectations and roles I thought I had to play and what that looked like (wife, mother, daughter, sister, business woman…). I hear this as a common theme in my coaching of others. Going back to rediscover myself and recognise what was truly important to me, in order to live a happy life, was very rewarding! Once we tune back into authentic self and chose to live a life congruent with our values, dreams and hopes, we experience a sense of peace and calm. When this congruency is out of kilter, we falter and flounder and cannot find peace and calm in our lives. Of this I am now sure.
No 2: My Best Possible Self – how can I be the best possible version of myself – that is my purpose. When I exit this planet, what is the legacy I will leave behind; what will my footprint have been; what purpose will my life have served? To this end, I have written and rewritten several times a Best Possible Self letter. It is clarity on how I can be the best possible person with integrity in various aspects of my life – with my kids, my family, my friends, my work, my societal impact. This is my personal map, not a plan.
And so, I now have a map and a compass, and I don’t need a grand plan. I believe these will hold me close to my truth. Yes, I will set some goals, there are thing I want to accomplish as part of Best Possible Self, but I want this to be fluid and spontaneous and allow space to simply grow, learn, be!
It’s September - I am packing up soon to leave beautiful Languedoc and head North back to my home in Durham. I can’t wait to see friends and family and reconnect; I am excited to re-start the second year of my masters at the end of the month; I am curious where that will take me, knowing it will be somewhere wonderful. I look forward to what lies ahead by way of who may cross my path and which projects will unfold and find their way to me. I am clear on who I am, what’s important to me and what I need to thrive and flourish. But there is no plan and that feels great… for now!
© Jackie Wade 2021
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